Friday, March 12, 2010

"We're Falling Apart And Coming Together" (42/90)

It’s almost 1:30 a.m. and I’m lying in bed fighting to keep my eyes open.

Generally, this wouldn’t be such a fight as I am a night-owl/insomniac/curious cat who is often up at all hours of the night. But tonight, I am exhausted. It’s been a full week, much fuller than I anticipated. I haven’t studied for the major test I have on Wednesday when I return, or applied for internships, or done my reading or any of the other things I brought along in my school bag, sure that I’d have time to get to them.

Still, I feel it’s been a successful break. I’ve been able to spend a lot of quality time with my mom and reunite with my friends here.


I’ve just gotten home from a night out with the girls, minus two. “The girls” are the girls that I went to high school with. There are five of us, and I’m not even quite sure how we bonded, as we are all so different, but we did.

Throughout high school we ate lunches together when we could, had sleepovers and holiday parties, and many a late night talking sessions. We went to homecomings and proms together and always came together when one of us was having a hard time, after a break-up or let down or even just to celebrate.

We are five years post high school now and we don’t talk often, but we have get-togethers whenever we can and try to catch up. Thankfully, I was in town this time and got a chance to hug my girls and hear about their lives now.

As it turns out, while our lives are all still very different we all seem to be in the same place.

Before I say all this, let me first say that we are a pretty awesome group of girls. Among us is the class valedictorian, two college grads, one of them a Duke pre-Med student, a soon to be teacher, and two who hold two jobs whilst going to school.

We are smart, hard working and determined.

But, because we are honest with each other it is also evident in our conversation that we are confused, broken, and scared.

Though we are finished or nearly finished with college we aren’t exactly sure what we want to do with our lives, or if we are, we aren’t exactly sure how to make it happen.

We are growing up. And we were unaware of how hard and unpleasant that can be.


Tonight I felt like I was having déjà-vu. I’ve been meeting with friends all week, and we’ve been having this same conversation, within the different contexts of our lives and relationships.

There wasn’t one person I talked to that had it all together, well, there actually was one but that’s just because they weren’t being totally open or honest. But when we are being real, the truth is that most of our lives are falling apart. Not in an end of the road, way but in a this must first be broken, way. Some of us have realized the beauty in that and have made peace, and some of us are still fighting the inevitable.

We are 20-somethings trying to feel our way through this world. We are torn between doing what’s safe and doing what makes us happy. We are ready for love and the heartbreaks and joy that it brings. We are frustrated by our opportunities and responsibilities. We are not who we thought we’d be, and we either are or aren’t okay with that.

We are all of these things that we couldn’t anticipate and aren’t quite sure how to handle. But the one thing that we are not is alone, unless we choose to be.

We are all in this together, friends. 


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