What It's Supposed To Feel Like (73/90)

After too much thinking and flip-flopping on my decision, I received permission to walk in the May commencement ceremony this morning.

Which happens to be only 28 days from now on May 8.

This is what I wanted but thought I couldn't have because of my internship credit which I've still got to  complete in the summer.  But when I learned the option was still open to me on Friday night, I was filled with excitement and made the decision to give it a go.

Although there were, and still are, logistical issues to be worked out. First: permission from the associate dean.

Even before that though, I had to call my mom to ask if she'd still be in town for the week following her  Master's commencement  ceremony on May 1st. But she won't.  And she should have been frustrated me with me, considering she pushed me to make this decision weeks ago,  instead she was calm and supportive.

"You walk when you want," she said. "You know I won't miss it."

And so I went ahead and sent the necessary e-mail on Saturday while sitting with friends doing homework.

Instead of keeping my focus on the 12-page campaign critique I was writing I kept checking my email, distracted by the prospect lingering in cyberspace.

When the Gmail notification blinked on my phone this morning while I was sitting in church, I hesitated for a second; deciding whether to open it right then on the 3-inch screen or wait the two or so hours until I'd return home. The day of waiting was similar in angst to the waiting I'm doing about the internship interview I had on Wednesday.

But I opened it right then, after adjusting the brightness of my screen so as not to distract the other churchgoers.

And I got permission, in a simple 3-line e-mail signed "Congratulations".

My mom is just as excited as I am, maybe even more. When I called her tonight she bypassed the small talk and got right down to business asking me to send a list for graduation announcements and which park I want to hold "the reception" at, although I keep reminding her that it will be just a small get-together filled with only familiar faces.

She's already called my grandma to get on-board with the planning, which if I know my grandma has already called the entire brood.

And there are things that I'm worrying about on my own, like how I'll get all of the natural glory under that cap or if I'll twist or straighten it instead. And of course I've already begun online browsing for the shoes and the dress.


 I've only got 28 days to pull it all together.

But this is what it's supposed to feel like; dreaming excitedly of sitting out on the quad with my peers while only half-listening to the commencement address, celebrating the beginning of an education and life lessons.