Saturday, April 3, 2010

Burn Out (62/90)

I started this post, before it got deleted, by saying I think this is what burnout feels like.

 Now, after I've spent 15 minutes huffing, cursing and trying to recover it instead of just re-writing it, which I know I can from memory because I've had to several times before, I know this is what burnout feels like.

Everything is a push. Nothing is quite as satisfying as it should be. Even the writing is tough right now, I've written two posts today (not including the deleted one) that I won't publish; just in attempts to get the words flowing.

I'm empty. Spent. Drained.

And the real problem in that is I haven't made the time to replenish myself.

There are so many things that I want to do for me that I just can't rationalize right now. Like diving into the pile of books that await me on my night stand, or taking time to pamper my hair with the all natural shampoo and conditioner that would take me an hour to prepare.

And when I do rationalize it, I feel guilty.

I've gotten back into the gym over the past two weeks and at some point  during every work out I break my focus by looking at the clock and get all worked up about the time, knowing that my workout just cost me two hours of homework.

But I've let it get to the point now that I just want to blow it all off. All of it. To take the week to catch up on the the things that keep me happy and full.

Unfortunately, I'm far too responsible to do that. But I also know that I can't continue on like this.

So maybe I'll take 30 minutes a day to blow it all off. Heck, maybe even 45.


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