Wednesday, December 9, 2009

"There's Nothing Here to Hold On To..."

The semester is winding down. Actually, it has wound down. With only two more class days and finals  remaining. Unlike seemingly everyone around me, I'm not excited.

Of course, I'm relieved. I've just about made it through the most stressful of my projects, presentations and tests. But that feeling of relief, the big exhale, wasn't as gratifying as I thought it would be.

Because, in all honesty,  I'm not ready for the end. I've got that sinking feeling in my heart. The one that precedes emptiness. Which, though scary to admit,  is telling of where I find my fulfillment.

This has been, by far, my best of three semesters at Ball State. My best semester of college, even. I've met a handful of cool people. Ones I'd like to get to know a little better. I've done some cool things, like being a part of the social media team for the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition build, and the Windows Mobile 6.5 research project for Crispin Porter + Bogusky.

But, the cool people trump the cool things.

 And I've only got a few days left with these folks that I've seen day in and day out for 15 weeks.  The comfort that those familiar faces have provided me, is about to be upset. Some of them will still be around, some won't. The ones that won't, I'll miss. The ones that will, I'll miss soon enough, when it's all over  at the end of next semester.

Perhaps that's really where the heaviness is coming from. Thoughts of the end, and the starting over. Again.

Obviously, I've gotten ahead of myself. In my head and in my heart. So I'll try to back up, lest I waste the moments I've got left.

Two more class days, and finals week. And for those things, unlike seemingly everyone around me, I am excited.


O.F.C.J. said...

Hello! I've just completed the first semester of my last year as well, though I can't say I feel the same way. Concerning your dilemma, I'll have to agree with your statement stating,"Which, though scary to admit, is telling of where I find my fulfillment." That's what it's all about. Fulfillment. What is your purpose?

Try not to fall in love with the journey to. But fall in love with the purpose of(it all...not just ->school<-).

Best wishes,


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