Monday, December 21, 2009

Another Chance

I’m three days into a three-week Christmas Break now. I’ve been a vegetable for the past couple of days, worn out from all of the work I had to finish up for finals week, but I plan on spending the remainder of this time recharging and getting things set for the new year.

I’ve picked up the book that I checked out at the library two months ago and have up until now, had time only to read a few chapters here and there. I’m almost through it now and have already begun searching for my next read or two since I’ll have the time.

More importantly though, I’ve begun my internship search which I hope to secure as soon as possible. The past four months have flown by, and I’m sure the summer will be here before I know it.

And, I’ve continued my search for a multimedia graduate program for the next phase of my education, and life. I found one just last night that I adore. It’s an art school in the heart of Chicago.

I'm having quite an internal battle concerning the fact that two of my top three graduate school choices are art schools. For the past several years I’ve been trying to fit myself into this business mindset, thinking that it was what I was supposed to be. What I am expected to be.

So I chose the Public Relations degree instead of the Magazine Journalism degree. And as graduation nears, I'm more and more filled with regret. Realizing I'll never be happy with a career in public relations. That I'll always wonder what I'd be doing had I believed in myself a little more.

I'd never describe myself as creative,though I’ve dibbled and dabbled in the arts over the years. I’ve never been trusting of my creative instincts or abilities.

And despite my insecurity, I’m drawn to places where creativity is valued, nurtured. I’m drawn to people that are intensely creative. Those people make sense to me. They make me feel like I make sense.

And I hope that this graduate school will be another chance for me. A chance to discover and embrace who I am, ignoring the person I’m supposed to be.

I don't know that I'll end up doing what I want. Or that I'm good enough. Nor do I believe that this is the ticket to my happiness.

All I know, is that this is a chance. To not be so full of regret.

But first, I've got to apply. And get in.


akenia said...

nice. i believe in you.

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