Life's A Playground (27/90)

It’s that time.

 I know, because I’ve been watching the Tweets and the status updates and the stressed conversations. We’re seven weeks into the semester. 13 classes down.

But, I also know because my body feels it. My brain is fried. The anxiety is out of control. There’s more to do than I can think about without having a meltdown. That’s just the class work and organizational meetings and responsibilities, not to mention the internship I must secure, the job applications and graduate school research.

***

Last night, my plans and my productivity were halted by a terrible headache that sent me to bed a mere thirty minutes after I got home at 10 p.m.

It’s quite unusual of me to give in to a headache, or any ache for that matter, but I was just worn out.  Pushing myself to 4 a.m. would have been counter-productive anyway.

I worried about the assignments that I was leaving unfinished and the blogging that I would get behind on as my headache nauseated me and made thinking painful. Thankfully, after an hour or so I finally fell asleep from the exhaustion of it all.

I woke up at 6:30 a.m., three hours before my first class and began working on one of the assignments. Still not feeling well, I fell back asleep an hour later. I finished the assignment though, and got to school on time. And as for the blogging, I’m getting caught up.

This has become a pattern in my life. I push myself until my body breaks down, rest just enough to get back on my feet and then push some more.  Never getting ahead on the next week’s assignments as I intend to on the weekends, which I’ve designated solely for homework. Besides never getting enough done, I never get enough rest and by Tuesday or Wednesday I’m wiped out.

This is not a unique story though. We’re all in this together.

I know because I’ve been watching. We’re all running around not feeling 100%, exhausted, stressed and chugging caffeine every minute of the day.

There’s this constant sense of urgency; the sense that everything, everything, is of the utmost importance.

***

There are things that we don’t accept or understand until it’s time. Until we’re ready. I sat in Brad’s office last week and he said something I wasn’t expecting to hear. In so many words it was this: Life is a playground, so play.

Thinking of “playing” while knowing the amount of work I need to get done seems irresponsible. But, at this point, I get it. I’ve had one too many headaches and stomachaches to wake me up in the middle of the night. If nothing else, my body is asking for a break.

I won’t wait until Spring Break to play, although I’ll be on a plane to Tampa in 9 days. That’s not soon enough. Not for all the pushing I’ve been doing.

I haven’t played enough in college. I turn down invitations to make sure that I get my work done; I don’t take time to nap or go out and enjoy the weekends. I don’t take enough moments to just enjoy life and all of the little things that make me happy.

Fortunately, I’ve still got time.

This weekend I’m making a conscious effort to enjoy the little things. As I was talking with a friend last night she told me that every night before she goes to bed she thinks of three things that made her happy throughout the day.  Her conscious effort to stay happy.  So, I’m stealing that. That starts tonight. 

I’ll push until Friday, I’ll get as much done as I can and I’ll make a list of all the things I didn’t get to. But on Friday, I’m relaxing. For the weekend, I’m playing.

I’m going to make time to enjoy all of the little things that make me happy. I’m going to the movies, I’m having coffee with new friends and I’m going to read for pleasure. I’m going to take naps when I get sleepy and sleep late without waking up in a panic.

My work will get done. It always does.  Nothing is urgent at this point, and I’m sure all of those important things are less important than I realize now.

The only urgently important thing now, is that I play.