Tuesday, February 9, 2010


It's just past midnight, I'm sitting at my desk trying to talk myself into being proactive and doing another two hours of homework before I climb into bed and surrender to this headache.

My mind is a bit frenzied. I was startled when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair wild and frizzy, my eyes darkened by smudged mascara. I could blame the Triple Grande Caramel Macchiato for this all of this, but I’d be lying.

I am stuck in this moment that has drudged on since Sunday. Literally, a moment, five minutes turned days.  The same song has since been playing on my iPod providing some sense of comfort and stability as I listen passively trying to wrap my head around what is real and what is perceived.

 Which is silly, because for me there is no difference, no distinction. There is however, a palpable pain. One that I must locate and name.

The writing helps. Or maybe it doesn't. I'm not sure yet. There is some madness involved in translating what I understand only viscerally to something intelligible. Not for you, but for me.  

There are things that I am struggling to define. There are things I will not understand, I assume, until I move beyond this moment.

 This is confusing I’m sure. I have broken the structure that I have been attempting to work with. I have given you a story without a beginning or an end because those are unclear to me now.

I am somewhere in the middle with the beginning too far back and the end too far ahead.

But now it is just past 2 a.m, which means that this moment is indeed passing, the way that moments do.


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