Spring State Of Mind (38/90)

I’ve done a little bit of everything today. I’ve been here there and everywhere. Enjoying the weather that is just beginning to warm up after a chilly weekend. 

It finally feels like spring. I even spent some time shopping for some spring wardrobe pieces. Colorful flats and jeweled sandals, flutter sleeve tops and capris to replace the black cardigans, dark-wash jeans, and boots.

And it’s been nearly impossible for me to sit still. But now I am. Still.  Beside my Mom on the couch with my feet up.  And BJ, who has been around ever since we moved here, is lounging on the other couch. The TV is on and there is a constant conversation between us.

This is not how I typically write, it’s noisy and there is too much going on around me. But I just can’t bring myself to go sit alone in my room for a few hours, even though I know I need to.

***           

I’m currently on Spring Break. And my routine has certainly broken as evidenced by the fact that I’m several posts behind on the 90 in 90 challenge.

Surprisingly, I’m not beating myself up over that this week. Although I did have a plan before I got here, to write early in the mornings before the hustle and bustle of the day at my favorite breakfast nooks and coffee shops. And tomorrow, I will do that, between the time that I drop my Mom off at work at 8 a.m. and the 10 a.m. breakfast I’ve got planned with friends.

But, the writing may be the only thing that needs to stay routine this week.

I was stuck in a rut at home. And I’ve only just now realized that.

***

I almost feel like a different person here.

 Here, I am independent and sassy and strong. All of the things that this city, this life away from home, has required of me.

From the day that I got here I’ve been finding things for my Mom and I to do. Seeking adventures for us to get lost in. My mom has joked that everything that she’s tried to introduce me to I already know about; the park that I spent mornings walking in, the deals at the hole in the wall restaurants, the beach that is nice but never too crowded.

“You knew about all of these things and never told me, huh,” she asked jokingly.

“I just thought you knew Mom,” I said sincerely.

“I’m an explorer. You have to explore here,” I said.

“It’s not like home,” I continued. “There is always something to do, if you can find it.”

***

I like the way that I am here, which doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to move back. Although that is the thought that I entertain every time I come here and these things that I love about myself begin to emerge.

But the truth is that this is a state of mind. Which means it is a choice.

I haven’t been exploring at home. Searching for the things that keep me happy and inspired. And it’s not that they aren’t there.

Here I am not afraid to get lost. I’ve been lost many times, in the projects, stuck over the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, navigating the one-way streets downtown, without streetlights in the country, but I no longer panic because I know eventually I’ll find my way. So, I just take in the scenery and enjoy the ride.

I haven’t had such confidence at home. Yet.

But, the season is changing. Spring is upon us.