Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Until Then


It’s painfully still in this downtown apartment. Hours pass before I blink and wonder what’s next.  I’m comforted by the sound of cars whizzing by and airplanes roaring overhead as the smell of smoke rises from the jazz lounge on the first floor.

It’s just enough to remind me that I’m not as alone as I feel up here, away from the small town homeliness I’m trying to forget.  

I had myself convinced that this place would be everything I needed to shape the life that I wanted. It all made perfect sense just a few short months ago. I’d be a young professional in the city with a PR/advertising gig by day to pay the bills while the nights spent writing in the coffeehouse on the corner would keep my soul alive.  I’d become friends with the single strangers in the quaint little cafés on Saturday afternoons. I’d be busy. I’d be full. I’d be content.

But.

It’s empty. All of it.  And harder to fill than I ever could have imagined.

I’ve had trouble finding the words lately. The feelings. I know they’re there, but I can’t reach them.

Until then, it’s just me, the sounds and the stillness. 

3 comments:

A.C. Ford said...

This might sound REALLY weird, but I don't have much a filter. Should I (fingers crossed) find a position in Indy soon, we should SO hang out.

Don't think this is pity or anything, it's not. But I'll need friends there, and you seem sooooo...good for me :) I hope that doesn't sound shitty. Being alone in a city sounds exhilarating but I'm so afraid to be lonely.

P.s. I know we don't really know one another (which is making this comment creepier by the minute) but I'd love to get coffee or something with you the next time I'm in Indy.

Okay. Creepiness over.

Tiffany Holbert said...

Not creepy at all! I would love to have coffee sometime when you're in Indy. I actually can't believe we haven't met yet--we seem to have a ton in common :)

Thanks for reading and here's to a coffee date in the future!

sierranicolle said...

haha Tiffany i can assure you that Ashley is not creepy.

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